i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
