this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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