Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
