Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
