my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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