i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
