Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
