Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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