So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
