After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
