census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
