Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
