I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
