That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
