O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
