at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
