five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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