You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
