dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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