I smell stomach acid.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm really busy with my period
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