fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
