So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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