SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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