she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
