I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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