He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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