Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
