how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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