filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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