I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
