Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
