Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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