I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
