I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
