youre lurking in front of me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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