So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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