Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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