We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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