I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
