Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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