I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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