Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
