ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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