We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
