I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
