Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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