don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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