you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
