weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
