Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
