Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
