sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
