she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
