Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
