I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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