i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
