So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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