Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
