apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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