Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
