Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
