i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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