My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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