I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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