just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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