My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
