I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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