Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
that is very illegal...i love you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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