I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
