I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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