if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
