Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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