Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize