Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
