Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
